Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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