If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
