He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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