I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
