I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize