If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
