There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
