hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
