Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
