I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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