WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
