He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
