i think my tv is drunk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i drank out of a bidet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
