i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk is a universal language darling
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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