i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
