yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
