did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
