She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He shit in the fireplace
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
