Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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