did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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