I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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