I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
