Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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