The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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