just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
