No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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