you lied. pity sex is amazing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
tell me about the fingering
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