Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
