I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
