CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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