If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
