I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
