omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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