my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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