I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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