I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
