Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
