Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
