You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
