I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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