I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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