I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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