last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
