That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
