I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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