If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
