a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
