how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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