I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
