im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize