I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude i'm inner monologue high
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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