RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
