Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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