Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize