I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
