Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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