apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
