Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
