He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
