WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
