no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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