Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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