You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
