Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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