they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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