At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
