The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
